The dynamics of victim, rescuer, and persecutor
One of the advantages of living with a Gestalt therapist for many years is exposure to insider knowledge of interpersonal relationships. I was trained well. Whenever I feel myself getting sucked into a conflict, whether at work or in the community, I whip out the old drama triangle and reframe the situation through it. If I understand my part in the dynamics I can choose to step out of the game.
The Triangle
This is the world of drama dynamics, a set more convoluted than any TV show I’ve ever worked on. But here, the characters are real, and the plot is unscripted. The stage? Your everyday home or workplace. The script? The Victim-Rescuer-Persecutor Triangle—a psychological screenplay that many of us unconsciously follow. Understanding this triangle is like being handed the director’s notes in a play. It lets you see beyond the characters’ lines to the motivations and patterns behind them. Grab a coffee, and let’s deconstruct this script, scene by scene, in the workplace!
Understanding the Roles
Victim
Meet Alex. In every team meeting, he’s the one with the ‘woe is me’ attitude. Projects are not just difficult—they’re impossible in Alex’s world. He feels besieged by challenges and doesn’t face them well. But it’s not about shifting responsibilities; it’s about seeking an audience for his plight. Here’s the catch—while Alex is busy narrating his saga of misfortune, the team’s morale is taking a hit. Folks are walking around on eggshells, and productivity becomes a casualty. And creativity? It’s left wondering if it walked onto the wrong set.
Rescuer
Jamie is your go-to person, the office equivalent of a superhero without the cape. Need someone to cover your shift? Call Jamie. Deadline creeping up? Jamie to the rescue. But every superhero has a kryptonite. For Jamie, it’s the inability to say ‘no.’ It’s natural for kind-hearted and helpful people to fall into the role of a Rescuer, but sometimes this can go too far. The consequence? A planner filled with everyone’s tasks but her own. And while Jamie is busy being everyone’s lifeline, her own work is silently drowning, waiting for a rescuer of its own.
Persecutor
And Taylor — the boss who believes pressure makes diamonds. Taylor’s motto? “If you’re not under fire, you’re not trying hard enough.” Constructive criticism is great, but Taylor’s brand is less ‘constructive’ and more ‘demolition crew.’ It’s about setting the bar so high even pole vaulters hesitate. But here’s what’s lost in this high-pressure atmosphere—trust, innovation, and the willingness to take risks. Because when every mistake is a catastrophe, playing it safe becomes the only strategy.
Stuck in the Victim Role
Helping someone recognize when and why they perceive themselves as a victim is a nuanced skill. It involves a delicate balance of empathy, insight, and encouragement. It’s important to distinguish between being victimized, which is an actual event or series of events where a person suffers harm or mistreatment due to the actions of others, and adopting a victim mentality or identity, where an individual sees themselves as perpetually at the mercy of external forces and incapable of changing their circumstances.
It’s a sustained psychological state that affects how the person views themselves and their ability to influence their life and surroundings. While being victimized is about what happens to a person, being a victim is more about how the person perceives and responds to their experiences, often feeling powerless and stuck in their situation.
“Learned Optimism” is a book by Martin Seligman that explores this concept of learned helplessness, (victim) and demonstrates how optimism can be developed through cognitive techniques, ultimately leading to greater resilience, success, and fulfillment.
When a person sees themselves as a victim, it often becomes a central part of their identity, shaping their interactions and outlook on life. This perspective can be a defensive mechanism, offering a form of protection from further harm or a way to make sense of past injustices. However, it can also lead to a sense of powerlessness and hinder personal growth and resilience. The perceived ‘power’ in victimhood lies in its ability to attract sympathy and support from others, and to justify inaction or avoidance of challenging situations.
To help someone shift away from this mindset, it’s important to approach the conversation with sensitivity and without judgment. Here are some strategies.
Validate Their Feelings
Acknowledge the pain and suffering they have experienced. Validation can build trust and open the door to new perspectives.
Encourage Self-Reflection
Gently encourage them to reflect on how identifying as a victim serves them. Ask questions like, “How does seeing yourself in this way impact your life?” or “What might change if you viewed the situation differently?”
Highlight Their Strengths
Remind them of their strengths and resilience. Focus on instances where they showed courage, resourcefulness, or persistence.
Promote Personal Empowerment
Encourage them to take active steps towards change. This could involve setting small, achievable goals, seeking professional help, or engaging in activities that build confidence and a sense of agency.
Shift the Narrative
Help them reframe their story from one of suffering to one of overcoming and growth. Emphasize that while they can’t change the past, they have the power to shape their future.
Offer Support, Not Rescue
Be there as a supportive friend or ally, but resist the urge to solve their problems for them. This can reinforce their sense of agency and capacity for self-reliance.
Creating an environment of understanding, reflection, and empowerment, helps someone navigate away from the victim mindset towards a more balanced and self-determined outlook on life.
The persecutor, on the other hand, may not be a hard ass. Just a convenient target for blame. And the rescuer? Well, as we will see, that is a no-win position in the triangle.
Dynamics of the Triangle
Let’s look at this trio in action in the office. Alex drops the ball on a task, citing insurmountable odds, such as Taylor’s attitude, making it impossible to complete. Jamie, with a weary smile, picks it up, adding it to her mountain of tasks. Taylor, in the meantime, is crafting a sermon on responsibility, and efficiency, ready to deliver it with fire and brimstone. It’s a dance choreographed to perfection, each step predictably leading to the next. Everyone hitting their mark.
But why does this dance continue? Because it’s familiar, it’s safe, and, in a strange way, it’s comfortable. The person involved may not realize what’s really happening in these situations. Alex gets to avoid accountability, Jamie feels indispensable, and Taylor maintains an iron grip on control.
It’s a dynamic that’s self-sustaining, even if it’s self-destructive. It only takes one person to recognize the role they’re playing and choose to change the script. But if someone is really invested in their role, they will just find new dance partners.
Inside the Triangle: The Group’s Microcosm
Let’s take a deeper look at how the dynamics play out in a group project where three members are caught in The Drama Triangle.
Annie the Victim
Annie feels overwhelmed by the project. She often says things like, “This is too hard for me,” or “I can’t do this alone.” She looks helpless, hoping someone will jump in and take the load off her shoulders.
Jerry the Rescuer
Jerry sees Annie struggling and immediately offers help, taking on Annie’s tasks on top of his own. He’s always busy, often staying late to finish work, and doesn’t have time for his own tasks.
Teresa the Persecutor
Teresa, the team leader, is focused on results. She often tells Annie, “You need to step up your game,” and says to Jamie, “You’re taking on too much, it’s making the rest of us look bad.” Teresa is direct and wants to push the team, but her approach can come off as harsh.
How It Looks to the Three People
Annie feels relieved every time Jerry helps but also stressed because Teresa’s comments make her feel worse. And sometimes incompetent, thinking she is a failure.
Jerry feels needed and valuable when helping Annie but exhausted and underappreciated, especially under Teresa’s critical eye. And resentful of Annie’s ongoing expectations.
Teresa feels frustrated by what she sees as Annie’s lack of effort and Jamie’s over-involvement. She thinks she’s the only one pushing the team to succeed. And feels unappreciated for her work.
Outside the Triangle: The Group’s Perspective
Other team members see the dynamics as well.
They see Annie as someone who doesn’t pull her weight, relying too much on Jerry.
They see Jerry as a hard worker but also as someone enabling Annie’s behavior and not focusing on his own tasks.
They see Teresa as necessary for keeping the project on track, but sometimes too tough, which can hurt the team’s morale.
They may feel the group is broken and wonder if Teresa isn’t capable of fixing it.
How to Change the Dynamics from Inside the Triangle
Annie can start by acknowledging her capacity and seeking help in managing tasks rather than avoiding them. For example, she can say, “I’m having trouble with this task. Can someone show me how to do it?”
Jerry needs to set boundaries. Instead of taking on Annie’s work, he could say, “I can help you figure it out, but I can’t do it for you because I have my tasks to complete.”
Teresa can adjust her approach by offering constructive feedback and support. Instead of saying to Annie, “You’re not doing enough,” she could say, “I’ve noticed you’re struggling with this. How can we help you improve?” And to Jerry, “I know you want to help Annie, but it’s more effective to show her how to solve the problem herself than to just do it for her.”
Changing Dynamics from Outside the Triangle
Other group members can play a crucial role.
Offer Support
They can offer support to Annie, showing her that it’s a team effort and she’s not alone. For example, “We all struggle sometimes, Annie. Let’s work on this part together.”
Encourage Balance
They can gently remind Jerry that his work is important too and that he doesn’t have to solve everyone’s problems. For example, “Jerry, your part of the project is crucial. Let’s make sure you have enough time for it.”
Provide Feedback to Teresa
They can provide balanced feedback to Teresa, appreciating her leadership but suggesting a softer approach. For example, “Teresa, your drive is what makes this team successful. Maybe we can find a way to encourage everyone in a way that boosts our teamwork.” As the manager, she’s ultimately in charge. She needs to plan with a broader vision, not just focus on immediate tasks.
By recognizing these dynamics and actively working to change them, both from inside and outside the triangle, the group can shift from a tense, unbalanced environment to a more supportive, productive, and harmonious one.
Illustrations from the Theatre of Life
The drama triangle is not confined to the abstract realm of psychological theory but manifests in the scenes of everyday life.
Corporate Hierarchies: In the corporate world, the drama triangle often plays out in power dynamics, where an employee (Victim) might feel oppressed by a manager (Persecutor) and seek support from a sympathetic colleague (Rescuer). The narrative, while seemingly straightforward, is often underpinned by a complex interplay of motivations and power.
2. Domestic Scenarios: Within the domestic sphere, family members may oscillate between these roles, with one member feeling marginalized (Victim), another stepping in to mediate or ‘solve’ the issue (Rescuer), and a third being labeled as the cause or instigator of the conflict (Persecutor).
3. International Relations: Even on the global stage, nations can embody these roles. One country might position itself or be perceived as a Victim of aggression, appealing to other nations (Rescuers) for support against a common adversary (Persecutor).
Role Changes: When the Rescuer Becomes the Persecutor
In the world of the Drama Triangle, roles can switch in the blink of an eye. One of the most interesting shifts happens when the Rescuer, who starts off trying to help the Victim, ends up being seen as the bad guy, turning into the new Persecutor. This happens when the Rescuer can’t meet the Victim’s needs or expectations.
The Rescuer Falls from Grace
The Rescuer enters the triangle with the intention of alleviating the Victim’s suffering. Armed with good intentions, the Rescuer invests time, effort, and resources into the Victim’s plight. However, this dynamic is fraught with inherent risks and complexities.
Unrealistic Expectations: The Victim may place the Rescuer on a pedestal, expecting an unrealistic level of support or a miracle solution to their problems. When the Rescuer inevitably fails to meet these inflated expectations, their fall from grace can be swift and severe.
2. Dependency and Disappointment: The Rescuer’s involvement will foster a dependency that prevents the Victim from developing self-reliance. When the Rescuer, due to exhaustion, lack of resources, or a shift in focus, can no longer provide the same level of support, the Victim feels abandoned and betrayed.
3. Perceived Betrayal: The transition from Rescuer to Persecutor is often marked by a sense of betrayal in the Victim’s narrative. The Rescuer, once a source of comfort and support, is now seen as another source of pain and oppression, failing to live up to the role they had been assigned or had assumed.
The Victim’s Search for a New Hero
In the wake of the Rescuer’s fall from grace, the Victim’s narrative requires a new savior to restore balance to their disrupted world. The core issue lies in their tendency to look for someone who will do things for them, rather than someone who will teach them how to do things for themselves. This search for a new Rescuer is driven by several factors.
Continuation of the Cycle: The Victim, accustomed to the dynamics of the Drama Triangle, seeks to perpetuate the familiar pattern. Finding a new Rescuer allows the Victim to maintain their role without confronting the underlying issues that trap them in the cycle of victimhood.
2. Renewal of Hope: The arrival of a new Rescuer represents a renewal of hope for the Victim. It reaffirms their belief in the possibility of salvation from external sources, alleviating the need for self-reflection or change.
3. Validation of the Narrative: The inclusion of a new Rescuer validates the Victim’s narrative of oppression and the need for rescue. It reinforces the Victim’s worldview, in which they are perpetually in need of saving, and others are responsible for their well-being.
The Ascension of the Persecutor
In the Drama Triangle script, the emergence of the Persecutor role from the ashes of the Rescuer’s downfall presents a complex shift in perception and relationship dynamics. This metamorphosis is not merely a change in label but an extreme alteration in the interactional choreography among the participants of the triangle.
The Inversion of Intent: The Persecutor, formerly the Rescuer, experiences an inversion of intent and perception. Where there was once altruism and support, there now looms control and criticism. The individual’s actions, once perceived as benevolent, are now interpreted as malevolent or self-serving. This inversion is not necessarily a reflection of the Persecutor’s true intentions but rather how their actions are perceived within the distorted mirror of the Drama Triangle.
2. The Burden of Blame: The Persecutor role often comes with the heavy mantle of blame. The Victim, caught in their narrative of suffering and helplessness, projects their frustrations and disappointments onto the Persecutor. The Persecutor, in turn, may internalize this blame, leading to a cycle of self-recrimination and defensiveness, further entrenching the dynamics of the triangle.
3. The Dynamics of Power and Control: The Persecutor is often characterized by the exertion of power and control, a sharp contrast to the nurturing presence initially embodied by the Rescuer. However, this control is not solely an assertion of dominance but can also be a defensive mechanism, a flawed attempt to restore order to the chaos the Drama Triangle perpetuates.
4. The Duality of Victimhood: The Persecutor may also experience a form of victimhood, feeling misunderstood, undervalued, or unfairly vilified. This internal sense of victimhood can exacerbate the external dynamics of persecution, creating a complex interplay between perceived oppressor and oppressed, each entangled in their narrative and emotional script.
Breaking the Cycle
The tendency for roles to shift within the Drama Triangle highlights the dynamic and often volatile nature of interpersonal relationships. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking the cycle. For the Rescuer, it involves setting healthy boundaries and encouraging the Victim’s autonomy. For the Victim, it necessitates confronting the uncomfortable truth of their complicity in perpetuating the cycle and taking steps toward self-empowerment and accountability.
Ultimately, transcending the Drama Triangle is about moving from a reactive, externally driven narrative to a more proactive, self-aware, and balanced mode of interaction. It’s about recognizing one’s agency, embracing the capacity for change, and fostering relationships grounded in mutual respect, empowerment, and authenticity. It involves creating spaces where mistakes are not taboos, but stepping stones to learning. And cultivating a culture where each person’s growth is everyone’s responsibility.
Final Thoughts
The Victim-Rescuer-Persecutor Triangle is more than a psychological concept — it’s a script many of us unknowingly follow in our daily interactions. But as I have found, the beauty of any script is that it can be rewritten. Clarity of vision, which is critical for understanding our part, doesn’t always come from within—sometimes it’s the insights and perspectives of others that illuminate our patterns.
With awareness, I can fully understand the role I play, the dynamics I engage in, and the cycles I perpetuate, making a conscious choice to change the narrative. We can create workplaces and homes that are not stages for drama, but arenas for growth, collaboration, and mutual success.
The other thing I learned from living with a Gestaltist for so many years—you can never win an argument with a therapist.
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