A scientist’s unthinkable reckoning
May 28
Dear Diary,
I’ve never been one for introspection. My priorities were always clear. My work. It consumed me, leaving little room for anything or anybody else. But with too much time on my hands—I am spiraling. Trapped in this future, I am confronted with the dark thoughts hidden in the recesses of my mind.
The what-ifs, the maybes, the worst-case scenarios I pushed aside in favor of equations and experiments. Anything that reeked of self-doubt, I suppressed.
I see how much I’ve missed. How single-minded I’ve been in my pursuit of scientific advancement. Elias’s father… he was barely a blip on my radar. A mistake from a one-night stand. A distraction from my true passion. When he left, I hardly noticed. The only reminder was a message, years later, telling me he was happy. A new partner and a baby boy. I didn’t bother to keep the return address.
My quantum teleportation device got me to this world but I was disoriented and frightened. I wandered the streets in a daze. The otherworldly buildings towered above me. People rushed by in a blur of unfamiliar fashions and technologies. I felt like a ghost, invisible and insignificant.
Taking shelter in a museum I found an exhibit dedicated to my future self. My breath caught in my throat as I stared at the larger-than-life hologram of an older woman. Me. With my eyes and my stubborn chin. The plaque listed her — my — countless scientific achievements. Heralding me as a visionary who changed the course of history.
In a corner of the exhibit was a small family tree. With trembling fingers, I traced the lines from my parents to my name to a son I barely remembered. The son whose existence I had all but forgotten in my relentless pursuit of knowledge. And below his name, another—Elias.
Elias. My grandson. A shock of recognition jolted through me, followed by a swell of emotions I couldn’t name. Pride, guilt, longing, fear. I had family in this strange future world. A piece of me had survived, even as I buried myself in my work.
I tracked Elias down. It was like looking into a mirror of what I could have been. His brilliance, his passion for science, but with a warmth in his eyes, a connection to the world around him that I had long since lost.
I realized how much I had missed. The joy of watching my child grow and thrive. Instead, I poured myself into my work. Driven to make the world a better place. And look where it got me. Trapped in a future where my life’s work threatens to destroy everything.
With Elias kidnapped by the rogue scientists, I’m more determined than ever to save him. To protect the family I never knew I needed.
K.D. sent a brief message. She’ll be back soon and I need to be ready to go. I’m packing a few essentials — my audio diary and tools to permanently disable the teleporter once we’ve rescued Elias. I’ll need to leave a window open for K.D. To send her off to the future of her choice as promised.
It will be difficult. Unraveling this mess without causing even more damage to the timeline. Limited options, and each weighted with the fate of the world. I can’t help but reflect on the choices that brought me here. The sacrifices I made in the name of science. Not realizing the true cost until it was too late. Science is important. But so is family.
I can’t dwell on the past. I have to focus on the present. On saving Elias and stopping those who threaten democracy and the good that exists in this world. And maybe, if I’m very lucky, I’ll have a chance to build a different kind of future. One where I’m not just a scientist, but a mother and a grandmother too.
It’s a daunting thought, after so many years alone. But for the first time in my life, I’m starting to realize that there might be things more important than my work. Like family. Like love.
Important things that the evildoers will destroy for everyone. I will not let that happen!
I hope I haven’t realized it too late.
Lael
Image ©2024 Gael MacLean
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