UMSDERWPFLEPI orders immediate removal
BREAKING UPDATE: UMSDERWPFLEPI's (Ultra-Mega-Super-Duper Extreme Right Wing Patriot Freedom Liberty Eagle Party of Idaho) Department of Patriot Mathematics has discovered a brilliant cost-saving strategy: reject $1 billion in federal funding and spend an extra $78 million of Idaho taxpayer money to ensure fewer people have healthcare.
In what UMSDERWPFLEPI calls "Democracy Done Right," Idaho lawmakers are racing to protect citizens from their own voting decisions.
"Sure, 61% of Idahoans voted for Medicaid expansion in 2018," admitted Chief of Voter Regret Operations, "but that's obviously because they were temporarily possessed by the ghost of FDR. We're just helping them reverse their socialist sleepwalking before anyone actually gets healthcare."
When reminded that voters specifically went to the polls to approve this measure, UMSDERWPFLEPI's Electoral Truth Decoder (Chuck #4) explained, "Look, just because people voted for it, wanted it, and would benefit from it doesn't mean they meant it. Real patriots know that voting is more of a suggestion box that we're free to set on fire."
"Besides," added the group's Democracy Prevention Officer, "if we let people keep the healthcare they voted for, they might start thinking their votes actually matter. Next thing you know, they'll expect other crazy things they vote for to happen too. It's a slippery slope to functional democracy!"
Even more alarming, reports show that Medicaid covers one-third of births in Idaho.
"That's exactly what the globalists want - healthy babies," warned Chuck #2. "Next thing you know, these kids will grow up expecting things like 'preventive care' and 'regular checkups.' Where does it end?"
Rural hospitals are particularly concerned about losing labor and delivery units without Medicaid funding. But true patriots know that real Idaho babies should be born the traditional way - in a pickup truck parked outside a closed hospital, just as the Founding Fathers intended.
The $78 million state cost for Medical Services is particularly offensive to UMSDERWPFLEPI members. "That money could fund at least three new conspiracy theory research centers," noted Chuck #3. "Or better yet, we will use it to build a wall around Oregon to keep their ideas out."
When asked about people losing healthcare coverage, the UMSDERWPFLEPI spokesperson released an official statement:
"Freedom isn't free, but healthcare shouldn't exist at all. George Washington didn't have health insurance, and he turned out fine, except for the dying part."
UMSDERWPFLEPI's Department of Financial Freedom (run by Chuck #3's cousin Chuck) celebrates this as a perfect example of the free market at work. "See, once you've depleted your life savings on chemotherapy, you naturally qualify for Medicaid! Then we can cut that too! It's the circle of fiscal responsibility," declared Chuck IV, adjusting his gold-plated tinfoil hat.
When asked about cancer patients losing both their private insurance and their Medicaid coverage, UMSDERWPFLEPI's Chief of Patriot Logic explained, "Look, everyone knows cancer treatment is just Big Pharma's way of turning good patriots into medical debt slaves. Real Americans cure themselves with thoughts, prayers, and tactical grade ivermectin!"
The UMSDERWPFLEPI's Emergency Vote Cancellation Task Force is now working around the clock to protect Idahoans from their own electoral decisions.
Their motto:
"Your vote counts - right up until it counts too much!"
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Next time: UMSDERWPFLEPI outlaws execution. By lethal injection. Nostalgic for the good old days Idaho returns to death by firing squad.
🐽 There you have it folks. All the news that's not fit to print.
In case you thought I was kidding about the Fuck You Feds movement refusing medical payments to help the sick and dying in Idaho.
Image ©2025 Gael MacLean
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